Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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