I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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