So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
