he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
