dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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