Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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