You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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