Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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