chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
