Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
