He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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