Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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