No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
