Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize