They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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