Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
