I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
