Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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