he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
3 2 1 whiskey
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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