I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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