I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
