i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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