I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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