i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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