He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
