I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
