i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
