do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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