maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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