Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize