Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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