Non-Jews are for practice
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
