And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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