Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
