youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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