i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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