Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
