girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
