When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Randomize
