Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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