plz talk dirty to me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
