We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize