I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize