now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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