I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
