Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
