do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
