my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
