you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
