All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
