there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the liver wants what the liver wants
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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