we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
