Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think people are normalizing furries
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
