8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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