Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
