I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
