i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
meet me or not, i'm out of control
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
