You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
