I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
