I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize