I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
