guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize