after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My bed smells like the plague
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