It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
