I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
