There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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