I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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