No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just threw up on my dentist
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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