happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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