You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
