Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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