Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
