She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize