Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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