ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
