he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
